Because every woman wants linebacker shoulders and a lopsided rack

The first official Regrettable Sweaters submission is from my good friend basscomm, who found this gem at a thrift store last Christmas season. For the first sweater out of the gate, I'd have to say he got a good one. It has many fine and regrettable qualities. Where should we start?

There's the mismatched border work that makes it look like it's buttoned about three inches crooked. I spy plenty of gold thread, always an itchy, itchy mistake. Lopsided presents with big floppy bows. Strangely ubiquitous not-quite-right French horn (why is that a symbol of Christmas, anyway?), rendered in more itchy gold thread. Big bold corpse flowers  sea anemones  poinsettias. And wait, can it be...shoulderpads?

Bravo, my friend. Bravo.