So be good, for goodness sake...or else

Intrepid thrift shopper and friend basscomm scored another win with this creepy calamity. It starts out innocently enough, with an overlarge if relatively simple Christmas tree. Things begin to go wrong almost immediately, though, as one rogue branch of the tree sheds its ornaments and takes off down the wearer's arm, kudzu style.

But things go really, really awry on the other side of the sweater, where a sinister Santa is lying in wait behind the tree, waiting to jump out and attack somebody. Suddenly the lyrics to that Christmas carol don't seem so innocent anymore. You better not shout, you better not cry...He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake...Holy God...Santa is a stalker!

Because every woman wants linebacker shoulders and a lopsided rack

The first official Regrettable Sweaters submission is from my good friend basscomm, who found this gem at a thrift store last Christmas season. For the first sweater out of the gate, I'd have to say he got a good one. It has many fine and regrettable qualities. Where should we start?

There's the mismatched border work that makes it look like it's buttoned about three inches crooked. I spy plenty of gold thread, always an itchy, itchy mistake. Lopsided presents with big floppy bows. Strangely ubiquitous not-quite-right French horn (why is that a symbol of Christmas, anyway?), rendered in more itchy gold thread. Big bold corpse flowers  sea anemones  poinsettias. And wait, can it be...shoulderpads?

Bravo, my friend. Bravo.

Well, hey!

Dropped the ball on this one, didn't I? Whoops. I will attempt to actually post some sweaters this year, so keep your eyes peeled for monstrous knitwear!

Hello, and welcome to Regrettable Sweaters!

There are no sweaters here quite yet, regrettable or otherwise, but you can change that! Submit your most horrid holiday sweaters (and sweatshirts) to velocibadgergirl (at) gmail dot com.